▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 18, 2021 15:30:23 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 18, 2021 15:30:23 GMT -5
@nostalgic
There were so many things on Cassian's mind. The meeting with his father was in a week. They had discussed it all, but nothing could really prepare him for seeing the man again. He was used to his father ignoring him, but truly angry? That wasn't something he'd ever get used to, if he was honest with himself, and he already knew the man was furious. After all, what was the point of him sitting the throne if not to further the goals of the Rotherhithe family?
Then there was Ezra. He had hoped that Aela was right, that he'd be gone on a bender for a week or so and come back...but despite asking Dante to keep an eye out for trouble in the form of the man and plain waiting for him to return, he had heard nothing. Usually, he wouldn't worry, but he could remember the rage he had left in; it was nearly impossible to keep his mind off it, and as much as he was worried, he'd never mention it to Aela. She had enough to deal with.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the lights turning back on. Blinking, he stared at the stage, realizing that he had just missed the last half of the ballet, and that guests were starting to look towards the booth they were in, curious to get a glimpse of their king. He clapped, as enthusiastically as he could muster, relief and joy appearing on the faces of the dancers.
Turning to Aela, he gave her a smile. "Did you enjoy the show?"
|
|
|
Feb 18, 2021 16:10:24 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 18, 2021 16:10:24 GMT -5
"It was lovely," Aela said, turning to smile at her husband. It had been a great show- and Aela had felt like a child again, seeing wonders that were new and enticing and spectacular. She hadn't been able to tear her gaze away from the costumes or the set- and the music had been wonderful.
Things were better between her and Cassian now. They no longer vacillated between arguments and oddly passionate hook-ups. Thanks to her own determination to just be friends, that was what they were. They could eat meals together, go horseback riding, and spend time in the same room without there being any strain.
Still, however good things were there, Aela was dealing with her own demons. She had lost Ezra, and that fact still haunted her. Normally there would have been word of him by now. On top of that, she was openly disregarded the rules her father had set for her- going out in public to a ballet, not maintaining total control over her spouse, consciously making friends outside of her duties. It was an uphill battle, and today was the worst so far. With the show over, the guilt came rushing back, putting her in a turbulent mindset as the lights came back up and they were escorted back out to the carriage.
Aela managed to distract herself by chatting with Cassian on the ride home, but by the time they were in bed, she was lost in her emotions again. Eventually she slipped into an uneasy sleep, tossing and turning before the nightmares took hold.
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 18, 2021 16:34:49 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 18, 2021 16:34:49 GMT -5
The ride back had been uneventful, or perhaps everything just felt so automatic now that he didn't have the energy to even think about things. He was much more subdued than usual. No more sarcastic quips and jokes, just simple nods and answers. It seemed like Aela didn't mind it as much this time, perhaps due to the fact that she seemed a bit distracted as well.
It had been a long day. Or week, he thought. Next time would be better, when they weren't running on empty with a million things to worry about. Still, he slipped into bed not long after Aela, and as tired as he was, the dreams seemed intent on being horrible.
The dream didn't register as a nightmare at first. It just felt like every other day in the castle. He was getting out of bed, taking the walk down to breakfast. Oh, Martha, he raised his hand to greet the maid, but she didn't respond, moving past him without a word. What? That was weird. As he continued walking, it seemed as if no one could see him. What was going on? Were they all in on some elaborate prank?
Suddenly, he spotted a familiar shape. His sister, he thought, as he jogged over. Putting a hand on the girl's shoulder, she turned around–
–only to not have a face at all. Cassian gave a shout of surprise as he jerked back in horror. Carina?
No, that wasn't Carina. Her hair wasn't this dark. He stepped back, feeling a tension flow down his spine, as he turned and ran. If that wasn't Carina, who was she? Why did he think she was his sister?
There was a woman. Mother? Cassian was confused. Who were these people? Why did they seem so familiar and different at the same time? Again, he ran towards her, pulling at her skirts, as the woman looked down.
She didn't have a face either.
Who are you? the creature spoke, who are you?
A terrible shudder ran down his spine, as he felt his chest seize, as the hallways seemed to grow darker, longer, more sinister. Was he alone? Where was everyone? What happened to them all?
A guard...no, not just any guard. Ezra? A sigh of relief left Cassian's mouth as he ran towards the man, but as he reached for him, he disappeared into smoke. No. No, no, no. He whirled around, looking for help. Please, he thought, please let me out. A child? Lizzie?
His breath caught in his throat. No, this wasn't real. This wasn't real. A movement caught his eye.
Behind a pillar stood a small child, dark skin and gold eyes shining, fearful. Who was that? He frowned.
"Hey!" he called out, as the girl's eyes widened and she ran. "Hey wait!" Cassian called out, chasing after the child once more.
|
|
|
Feb 18, 2021 16:57:17 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 18, 2021 16:57:17 GMT -5
Aela wasn't sure who this boy was, or why he was chasing her, but she fled, closing herself in the dining room. Only... it wasn't the dining room she was used to. This room was one she hadn't seen before, with different, darker decorations, and a longer table.
"Cass!" Carina skipped up beside her, prodding her shoulder. This Carina was much younger, but had the same mischievous sparkle in her eyes. "Cato needs your help getting something off a shelf."
Aela looked over, watching her older brother beckon her over with a rather devious grin. A foreboding sensation crept into her stomach, but she knew it was better safe than sorry when it came to defying Cato. She walked up to him, and he motioned up to a paper airplane that had gotten caught on a higher shelf.
"Climb up and get it," he said, and Aela reluctantly nodded. She scrambled up the shelves, reaching up for the tip of the paper airplane, when Cato shoved her. She stumbled on her perch, her foot kicking off an ancient family vase in the midst of finding her balance.
It fell to the floor with a loud crash, and Cato and Carina ran from the room, giggling. Her father appeared in the doorway, face contorting in fury as he saw the broken piece of sentimental finery. He crossed to her, dragging her down from the shelves by the back of her shirt, and moved towards the basement.
"No! No, don't!" Aela cried, straining against his grip, but it was useless. On the shackles came, the door slammed shut, and Aela was once again alone in the basement, arms wrapped around herself as she sobbed, trying to soothe her frazzled nerves.
There the boy was again, flitting around in the corner of the basement. "Help me!" She pleaded, but he looked at her curiously before slipping away again, leaving her in her shackles.
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 18, 2021 17:54:39 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 18, 2021 17:54:39 GMT -5
He was following the child. Who was that? He had never seen her before, never met someone that looked like her, yet she seemed so...familiar in a way. What was the dream trying to tell him?
It seemed like wherever he was going, the castle never seemed to end. He couldn't recognize any of the hallways. They all looked the same, and yet so foreign from the castle he had learned to call home. Was he ever going to leave this labyrinth? He sighed; it seemed like he was actually trapped this time. In a dream where nothing made sense at all.
Wait. No, he recognised this. The stairwell. The one leading to the library? He had chased Aela down this one before, he'd recognise it anywhere. Running up the stairwell, he could almost laugh as he pushed open the heavy oak doors to the library. He was greeted by shelves of books, the familiarity made him sigh a breath of relief. At least some of these rooms made sense, he thought.
He began moving forward, when a loud bang made him jump. Turning around quickly, he was relieved to see it was Ezra. Thank god. He was starting to think this nightmare would never end. Cass ran towards the man, ready to leap into his arms–
Fire erupted around him and he immediately jumped back, coughing on the black smoke in the air. "Ezra?" he spoked weakly. His voice was shaking. Why were the man's eyes so red? They glowed like embers in a fire–
Poor queen fucking Aela, right? She's got a palace, riches, a husband, and a lover all for herself, everything handed to her on a silver fucking platter. The voice was jeering, bitter, and it cut him to the core as he stepped back. The man was still blazing, as if he was on fire.
You think you have it so hard, the voice spoke, sounding more twisted, more dark. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You think anyone would ever want some pathetic piece of shit like you?
He almost stumbled when something touched him from behind. A girl? Was that...Lizzie? You abandoned me, the voice no longer sounded like one person. You're heartless. You're nothing. You don't deserve to call yourself a queen.
Cassian was shaking. The voices seemed so close, and whatever he thought Ezra or Lizzie was, they no longer seemed human. They were dark, creatures with burning eyes, made of shadows.
Do you even have friends? Lovers? Anything? You literally lost your first fucking kiss with me, I don't think I need to contend with you about who's really more pathetic.
Thats sounded....that sounded....was this his own voice? He tried to speak, but nothing came out of his mouth. He couldn't speak. It felt like there was a rock in his throat, as his own words started echoing in the library, insult after insult. Pathetic. Weak. Just like your father.
He covered his ears. No. No this wasn't real. He looked around, eyes flickering across the shelves, only to see the doors ajar, the gold eyes of a child peeking through once again.
Wait! he immediately ran towards her, blindly rushing into the shadows, his eyes closed in fear that they'd grab him and pull him under. Wait!
|
|
|
Feb 18, 2021 18:52:37 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 18, 2021 18:52:37 GMT -5
Aela fled from the boy again, somehow free from her chains and out of the basement. There was the familiar sight of the library, which had drawn her in, but the angry words that buzzed in the air made her cover her ears and run. The corner she turned led her right back into the basement, face to face with a monster too hideous for words.
Young Aela screamed, terror overwhelming her and pouring out in the form a large, hulking shadow. It ripped the beast apart, splattering blood across the walls and onto her clothes. She couldn't control it- could only watch as her fear eviscerated the being, spilling guts onto the floor hot, rust-smelling crimson across her cheeks.
"I didn't want to... I don't..." Aela whispered through her tears, hearing the beast's dying cries. Her father materialized from the shadows, clapping her on the shoulder. "Excellent, Cassian," he said proudly. "That's what I call power."
"I hurt it," Aela said hoarsely, guilt and confusion mingling with the remnants of fear in her stomach. "I killed it."
"As is fitting for a Rotherhithe, son."
Aela turned and fled again, pushing out of the basement door and catching sight of the boy she had seen twice before. "Get out of my head," she commanded, pressing her palms to her temples. "I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to... to be down there any more."
The boy was watching her like he knew her. Did she know him? It was too late for her to figure it out, as he was fading away again.
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 18, 2021 19:15:23 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 18, 2021 19:15:23 GMT -5
He was running after the child again. "Wait!" he shouted, but his legs were too short and she was too fast to really catch up. He was racing down the stairs as quick as he could when suddenly, he felt himself freeze. Why was this staircase so similar to the one back home? No. Oh no. He quickly ran back up, trying his best to get out of those basement stairs as quickly as he could. He could feel it, the darkness, the shadows–
"What do you think you're doing!?" a snarl came from the man now looming over him and Cassian could feel himself fall, landing on a heap on the floor.
Father? The boy scrambled to get up, when a kick landed on on his stomach, sending him sprawling on the ground. He curled up in pain. Why? Why was he kicking him?
"I'm sorry," Cassian rasped, "father please..."
"Grovelling? A queen doesn't grovel," the voice was booming, loud enough to hurt his ears. Another kick sent him sprawling once more, and as he tried to crawl on his knees, the man's boot slammed into him, and he cried out in pain.
What did he do wrong? Why was he doing this? He looked up, terrified. It...wasn't his father. No. His complexion was darker, his eyes glowed gold...Aela's dad? Was that what he looked like? He felt a jolt of fear run down his spine; was this the man that blinded her?
His eyes glowed white and suddenly, he could feel a sharp jolt of pain, like his head was on fire. His eyes were wet. Was he crying? He tried to wipe it away, but the smell of iron made him gag. He tried to blink, tried to look up–
Nothing. Darkness, and suddenly, everything was silent.
Perhaps that was the worst part of it too. He was all alone. The loneliness ate at him, the silence felt deafening. "Hello?" he called out, "is anyone there?"
Was he all alone?
|
|
|
Feb 18, 2021 20:03:59 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 18, 2021 20:03:59 GMT -5
After the boy had faded away, Aela heard crashing behind her. She turned to the sound curiously, following it down the hallway and through a door that had been left slightly ajar. Her not-father was chucking anything he could get his hands on, watching vases smash against the wall, blood coming from the cuts on his hands.
"Dad?" Aela asked tentatively, from the doorway, watching as his blazing eyes turned on her.
"Cato is dead," he whispered harshly. "Your brother- he... he died today."
What? Aela could do nothing but stare at him stupidly. Cato couldn't be dead. He was young, and strong, and successful. He was in the Royal Guard- he would be vying for the Queen's hand in a few years. "Dad..." She repeated, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Is that all you can say, you stupid boy?" Her father snapped, stalking across the room and taking her by the shoulders. "Your brother is dead! DEAD! And all you can do is stand there and stare? I lose my eldest son, my best son, my only shot at success, and you stand around repeating 'Dad'?"
The grief and anger was churning in his gaze, curdling fear in Aela's heart alongside the grief.
"It should have been you," he spat. "If only it was you."
"Dad-"
"SHUT UP!" He screamed, spit flying in Aela's face. He reached out, grabbing her wrist and dragging back her to the basement, slamming the door behind her. And suddenly, Aela was alone in the darkness.
Or was she?
"Hello? Is anyone there?" Came a soft voice in the darkness, off to her right. Aela climbed to her feet, moving in the direction of the voice.
"I'm here," she said quietly, seeing a darker shadow outlined in the blackness. She knelt before it, reaching forward. When their hands connected, a soft light grew from the darkness, casting their faces into a candlelight glow. Gold eyes met green, each recognizing the child behind the tears on each face.
They were different from who they were currently- both shorter, with rounder faces. Aela had longer hair, Cassian shorter, but they were still themselves. Freckles, curls, and burdened souls lasted through the years. "I'm here, Cassian," Aela repeated, looking at the childhood version of her husband with a gentle understanding. "You're not alone."
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 18, 2021 20:20:55 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 18, 2021 20:20:55 GMT -5
The child's sightless green eyes were dull, as he curled up in the darkness. Darkness, that was all he had ever known. Then suddenly, he could see a light. A light? He tried to blink, seeing nothing but blurry shapes and half-figures, and suddenly, he could feel a hand hold his. He turned, blinking as his vision slowly returned, only to see the child he had been following earlier.
Warm dark skin and golden eyes, curly hair..."Aela?" his voice shook. He could see a child, tears also in her eyes as her lip shook, as if she was about to cry. Immediately wrapping his arms around her, he didn't know what to say. All he knew was that he wanted her safe, far away from what was out there.
You're not alone.
That was her voice. Where was it coming from? Certainly not from the child he was holding. It was as if she was all around him.
"Aela, I'm here," he murmured, "you never have to go back to your father, okay? He's gone. I promise you, he's gone."
He could see a faint light in the distance, and he turned to the child again. "Let's go find the light, okay?" he asked softly.
|
|
|
Feb 19, 2021 7:56:38 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 19, 2021 7:56:38 GMT -5
Aela nodded, her small hand lifting to brush away the remaining tears on Cassian's cheek. "Let's find the light," she agreed, following Cassian as they moved in the direction of the glow. A part of her knew that the nightmares would stop after this- at least these kinds of nightmares.
It wasn't quite over, though, even as they dream melted away around them and Aela opened her adult eyes in real life. The strange shadows she had been seeing, the ones she now realized were a manifestation of Cassian's power through his fear, were very much present in the room- likely fueled by the terrifying nightmares.
Aela tried to sit up, only to realize that the shadows were creeping over her, tightening around her limbs. She turned her head to Cassian, who was doing it unconsciously, as he was slower in waking than she. "Cass," she whispered hoarsely, trying to wake him without making the shadows move any more.
Memories of what the shadows had done to the creatures flashed through her mind. The thought that Cassian could accidentally turn her into the same pile of blood and guts made her chest contract. "Cass, wake up, please," she repeated, tone bordering on frantic.
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 19, 2021 10:42:02 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 19, 2021 10:42:02 GMT -5
Cass.
Cass.
Wake up, please.
Everything was so dark, the light getting smaller. There was a flicker of something in the side of his vision. He swallowed thickly, still holding the child's hand as he made his way through the darkness. He could hear something in the distance. Growls. Skittering. Clicking sounds. This was just a dream. Nothing but a dream, he told himself, as he continued forward. This wasn't real. His father wasn't here.
Keep moving, he told himself, as he reached a hand out, reaching past the darkness, to the light...
His eyes opened; instead of green, they were completely dark. A gasp left his mouth, and he tried to sit up, except his body wouldn't move. He could feel the weight on his chest again. A creature, sitting on him, its eyes glowing white, like a demon...why couldn't he move? He could feel it, the darkness, as if squeezing him like a cage. His chest tightened, the claustrophobia immediately welling up in his chest. No. No. He could see the shadows in the corners of his eyes, the same tendrils that had torn the manticore apart.
"No," his voice was hoarse, a bare whisper, "No!"
The young king had tried for years, to keep the darkness hidden, to keep it under wraps, and he could see the darkness, creeping around Aela. He couldn't move. Fear struck him and the darkness seemed to grow.
"Aela–" he gasped, squeezing his eyes tight as he battled the darkness, trying to reign it in. For a moment, it seemed as if the darkness was starting to fade, but the sweat on his brow made it clear that he was having trouble with it. He knew there was no way he could pull back completely, not when it had grown like this, "you need to use your light. Please."
|
|
|
Feb 19, 2021 10:59:03 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 19, 2021 10:59:03 GMT -5
"Okay," Aela responded, desperately trying to stay calm. Her powers, which were already one of her lesser used abilities, did not manifest well when she wasn't in control. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that Cassian was here, that he was trying to help, that she was not alone anymore.
Her own eyes glowed- the gold of her irises expanding and illuminating the entirety of her gaze, and light spilled from her hands, dissolving the shadows where they touched it. As she gained more movement, she lifted her hands, keeping her breathing slow and steady as she cut through the shadows.
"Reign it in, Cass," she said, when all that was left was the beast on his chest. Aela could feel her powers faltering, but she gritted her teeth and pushed on, working alongside Cassian to clear the room of the oppressive darkness. When it was finally gone she leaned back, letting out a small gasp as her powers faded and her eyes ceased glowing.
The nightmare memories flooded back to her, and the knowledge that that had been Cassian's childhood, that he had been so... alone in it all, so similar to her, brought the tears back to her eyes. "Cassian... I'm so sorry," she said, moving to his side and wrapping her arms around him. Aela could feel the shakiness in his long, lean torso. "I can't believe... I... I should have your father exiled," she said bitterly, resting her cheek on his shoulder.
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 19, 2021 11:17:59 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 19, 2021 11:17:59 GMT -5
He had never felt so fortunate to see the light. The immediate calm made it easier to breathe again, and slowly, he felt the creature within him calm, the waves that had seemed a hundred feet tall now felt like the sand underneath his feet, the small waves lapping at his shins as he stared into the horizon of his mind. The shadows slowly receded, pulling back, the dark scales that had practically appeared on his skin disappearing as the light touched him, and slowly, his eyes turned green again.
He could move.
Immediately jerking up, his breathing was still a little unsteady, but he immediately pulled Aela into a hug, holding her tightly as he buried his face in her shoulder. Growing up, he thought he feared his father more than anything, but now, it seemed like that had changed. He had been more terrified that his own powers would rip her apart–unable to control the wraith within him–than anything his father had ever done.
"I thought I was going to kill you," his voice sounded small, "thank the spirits I didn't."
He'd never be able to live with himself if he had done that. Cassian could feel the tears blurring his vision as they fell. A wet laugh left his mouth; he knew his father was cruel. He had always claimed he did this for Cassian's own good, but it didn't change what had happened. Eventually, he'd ask her what she saw, but right now, he just wanted to stay like this for a little longer, just to make sure this was real.
|
|
|
Feb 19, 2021 12:23:00 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 19, 2021 12:23:00 GMT -5
Aela let herself be held, returning the embrace just as tightly. Both of them should have been held more, she thought bitterly, and neither of them should have suffered at the hands of their fathers. The past was the past, though, and all Aela could do now was show Cassian the kindness he had never received as a child.
Her hands found his back, rubbing gentle circles as she rested her cheek on his hair. "It's okay," she mumbled, feeling her own tears well and fall from her eyes. "I'm okay- and so are you. We're alright." Aela had been terrified herself, knowing what Cassian was capable of, but he didn't need to be told that.
Aela could have spent an eternity in that moment, enveloped in Cassian's arms and soothed by the warmth of his body. It was a long time before they pulled apart, and Aela only did so reluctantly, reminding herself that this connection was purely platonic... right? The yearning she felt to be back in his arms stemmed only from a deep understanding of Cassian's similarities to her, from a new and unbreakable connection from sympathy and mutual trauma. She cared deeply for Cass, of course, and she could never stop caring for him after what they'd been through.
"Do you want me to ring for tea?" She asked quietly, glancing at the still darkness of the night sky through the window. "There's no way I can go back to sleep now."
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 19, 2021 12:54:21 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 19, 2021 12:54:21 GMT -5
It felt strangely intimate, to be holding onto Aela so tightly. Weeks ago, he'd never imagine doing something like this–he had barely been able touch her, much less give her a hug–but right now, it was comforting, knowing that whatever had happened, someone else knew the pain and the frustration of being in the same position as him.
It wasn't somewhere he would've ever chosen to be in, but right now, he was almost glad to be here, to have someone who just got it.
For a while, Cassian didn't really want to let go, but as his heart rate returned to normal and the world came back into view, it seemed like the moment was slowly passing, and well, he didn't want to make it awkward for her. Slowly, he pulled away, using his sleeve to wipe at his eyes, feeling the faint warmth of embarrassment now starting to settle a little bit into his bones.
He simply nodded at her question. There was no way he could go back to sleep either. He had always been afraid of small, dark spaces, and the dream had been a stark reminder of that. Pulling the blanket a little closer to his lap, he was now quite aware of everything that had happened. So it was his powers that had caused all of this mess. Powers he couldn't control. He had thought those days to be over, and the reality of it all came crashing down on him.
So he had seen her nightmares, and she had seen his. Oh gods, she had seen his. His face flushed at the idea of it all; if he had been terrified of the things in his nightmares, he was mortified that now, someone knew exactly what he feared the most. It wasn't Aela's fault, and deep inside, he knew she wouldn't use it against him like Carina would. Still, the fact that someone knew such intimate details about him, the fact that someone could genuinely see past the mask he held onto, terrified him all the same.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he mumbled, "what...you saw?"
|
|
|
Feb 19, 2021 13:27:30 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 19, 2021 13:27:30 GMT -5
Aela squeezed his hand before she stood, ringing for one of the servants and putting in the request for tea. She wasn't quite ready to talk about it, but she didn't want to let the opportunity slip away. "You go first," she said, slipping back under the covers in order to keep warm as she waited for her tea.
Had they both been children in their dream? Cassian had been, but Aela had not seen herself in a mirror or anything. She remembered herself from portraits- long, curly hair, wide gold eyes, timid and awkward and desperately searching for someone to love her. Was that who Cassian had seen? Was she any different now, apart from the shorter cut of her curls?
Her eyes searched his face, remembering the fearful child in the darkness, the one who had clung to her the same way he had upon waking up. "What did you see?"
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 19, 2021 21:49:36 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 19, 2021 21:49:36 GMT -5
Cassian didn't know whether it was a good thing or not, that he was speaking first and avoiding his own mortification. The dreams were already fast fleeting, but he could remember the terror of it all, the labyrinth of the castle that only led to one nightmare after another. He closed his eyes, taking a slow breath in and out.
"I was in the castle," he started, "at first...I thought I saw Carina, or at least another girl with dark hair, but...when I reached out, I realized it wasn't her. I think it was your sister, but she didn't have a face." His eyes opened as he looked at Aela for a brief moment, before averting his gaze once again. "Neither did your mom, or anyone else. They were all just...ghosts, passing through the hallway. It felt like the spaces were getting narrower, and the castle was like a labyrinth. There wasn't anyway out..."
He sighed. "I guess some part of the castle looked familiar and....I went up to the library and saw Ezra." He didn't know how she'd react to the name of the man who had left; he was still missing and she hadn't spoken of him at all since that night. "I reached out to him and he...he burned me. It was that night, but I thought....I thought he was actually going to hurt me. I saw Lizzie too. They were saying things, telling me I betrayed them, that I turned my back on them."
He swallowed thickly. "Then I heard myself," his voice was barely above a whisper, "I...I was cruel when we first met. I...I didn't mean to say a lot of those things, especially about you and your dad, especially after..."
The last part of the dream was still difficult to bring up. "I met him while trying to crawl out of a basement, and...he blinded me. I couldn't see anything, and I knew the space around me was closing in, and I thought I was going to be–"
He shook his head. He knew Aela must've understood; she must've dreamt this dream a hundred times, over and over. "I'm glad he's dead," he mumbled, "no offence."
|
|
|
Feb 20, 2021 9:58:58 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 20, 2021 9:58:58 GMT -5
He truly had seen her deepest fears, the struggles that haunted her the most. How many years would it have taken them to vocalize these things- if they ever did at all? But powers outside their control had brought them together, and now were rapidly deepening their understanding of each other.
Aela looked down at the sheets, her finger tracing an absentminded pattern on them. "It makes sense that you'd see other people as faceless. When I was little- I suppose even now, I felt like the one who was a ghost in my own home. People knew of me, occasionally spoke to me, but I was something so... other. I wasn't like the others, and thus could never be treated normally."
"And then the few people who did treat me like a real person, who saw the child underneath the royal title... they left. Lizzie, her parents, Ezra. They were thrown out, by my father or myself. I didn't do anything to stop them from going- I did turn my back on them. It felt like I had no choice. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt, though."
Aela sighed, looking up and smiling ruefully at Cassian. "I understand why you were cruel. At least in the beginning, I was to you what my father was to me. Someone who ordered you around without any consideration of your feelings. And I don't want to be my father. I'm... glad he's dead, too," she said with some effort. "Even if his presence and teaching still lingers in my mind."
She took his hand, squeezing it lightly. "Do you want me to tell you what I saw? I won't talk about it, if you don't want me to. But it helped me, to have someone to talk to after all these years."
|
|
▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
Administrator
|
Feb 20, 2021 20:57:37 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 20, 2021 20:57:37 GMT -5
He could empathise with her, at least to some degree. He had never felt as alone as she probably did, but as a child, he had been the same way. Cato was everything his father could ask for. He was sporty, confident, charismatic, the kind of man his father wanted him to be. He was the perfect heir to the Rotherhithe name, and he had been a saint in public, and an absolute menace otherwise. He hadn't been terrified of his brother, but it was clear that they had never gotten along; the other boy was vindictive and he saw Cassian as an embarrassment to the family name, after all.
If Cato had been everything his father asked for, then Carina was everything and more. He had wanted a daughter like her, and she had proved to be even better; her mastery of her powers had come so naturally, and she had been quick as a whip, manipulative and cunning and clever, something that few were born with.
He had been alone, the disappointment, for as long as he could remember. He had been so other in his own family all the same. "I know what you mean," he sighed, "it's...hard to really be yourself when everyone else around you seems to have their roles figured out and you're not the same as they are, right?"
His expression was unreadable. "I–," he started, looking at his own hands, "my mother told me something once. Someone has to leave first, it's the oldest story in the world. I...didn't agree with her when I was younger. I guess I thought that...even if they leave, someday they might come back, but sometimes,, I wonder if she's right. That...people are just bound to leave, no matter who's fault it is."
He looked at Aela for a moment, before looking towards the faint light shining through the window. "I guess we all kind of become what we wish we wouldn't be," he murmured, "I told myself I'd never be my dad, and use people's fears against them but...sometimes I don't think I can help it either. I guess we both have some ways to go, but...I'm happy that you know now, that you didn't deserve all of that."
He squeezed her hand once more, a silent yes to her own question.
|
|
|
Feb 21, 2021 12:17:57 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 21, 2021 12:17:57 GMT -5
"I'm just hoping not everyone is bound to leave me," Aela said quietly. How to phrase what she had seen? "Well... I was in the castle, but the various rooms I went into were not ones I recognized. Carina and Cato were in one... much younger versions, and they tricked me into breaking something. Your father came in, and threw me into the basement."
The next sight had been almost too awful for words. "Then it shifted. I-you, I guess- had used your powers to rip apart something. It was so bloody, and terrifying, and I couldn't believe that I-you- had done it. I didn't want to hurt it. Not like that." Aela still was not used to gore, and the memory made her lips press together to hold back the nausea.
"Last... it was the day your father learned Cato died. I saw how he treated you- what he said to you. It was inhumane and cruel, and I've no doubt those words have never left your mind." Aela looked over at Cassian, who was looking out the window still, and she reached out so she was holding both his hands.
"I know I'm not your dad, and that I can't take back those words for him. But for what it's worth... I'm sorry that your brother died, but it should not have been you in his place. I would much rather be married to you than to Cato- I would chose you, prefer you, any day." Aela squeezed his hands, speaking softly and genuinely, hoping she could even marginally ease the burden that his father had placed on him since childhood.
|
|