▲ ezra collier & luce feyre
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Feb 14, 2021 12:17:24 GMT -5
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Post by fleur on Feb 14, 2021 12:17:24 GMT -5
"Ezra, I expect you out of the castle by dawn."
"You just can't keep it in your pants, can you?"
"I'm exiling you because for once, for once in my goddamn life I thought someone cared about me!"
"For what it's worth, Cassian was only supposed to be a quick fuck, but for once in my life, someone wasn't ashamed to be seen with me."
The events of the last ten minutes flurried through his mind in an endlessly cyclic hail of torment, a thousand shards piercing through his skull. He stormed from the library and down the halls, thundering down the stairs and rushing past the onlookers, and slammed his way out into the courtyard, the night air chilly but quickly warming as his body temperature extended outward. He needed to keep moving, keep running. He needed to be far, far away from him before he exploded. He needed--
"Ezra, wait!"
Cassian's voice halted his agonizing thoughts, and his grip halted his stride. It appeared to be taking a clear amount of effort for Ezra to fixate himself to the spot, his shoulders trembling either with rage or sorrow. Whatever it was, it had tears pasting silvery trails on his cheeks. "You should be with your wife, my lord." His voice was vacant of that possessive charm, the honorific falling flat.
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 14, 2021 13:02:42 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 14, 2021 13:02:42 GMT -5
Cassian was out of breath as he finally reached Ezra.
"She doesn't want me to be there right now. Look, you know she doesn't mean that," he frowned, "she's just angry. We can talk about this, come on, Ezra. Please don't leave."
Cassian wasn't the type to beg for anything, but he knew this was going to be a mistake. They were just all on edge, that was all. They'd all come to terms with this later, he promised in his head. Perhaps he was just trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong, but it was the only thing he was holding onto. He had a feeling of panic in his chest at the idea that Ezra really could leave.
"Don't leave me," he blurted out. He meant 'don't leave' but the words flew too quickly out of his mouth. The castle was so lonely, and as much as he pretended he was fine with it all–flirting with every guard and guest he could see, spending his days high out of his mind, drinking and partying all the damn time–he hated the feeling of being alone.
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▲ ezra collier & luce feyre
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Feb 14, 2021 13:44:20 GMT -5
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Post by fleur on Feb 14, 2021 13:44:20 GMT -5
"Talk about it, and what? You think Aela is just going to forgive this, change her mind? We're all going to grow up and become a happy little threesome and go to all the parties together, share a bed, defy societal norms?" No, that would never be acceptable. The bond forged of fire and flame had been severed.
Even if she did forgive him, what sort of normalcy awaited them? A strained friendship, maybe. Pleasantries exchanged in the halls, a conversation pertaining only to business such as his expectations as her guard and upcoming events he needed to mark on his calendar. He would only have a place in the shadows from here on out, a future he could not commit to as it was so, so similar to the past he'd finally clawed out of.
"Don't be stupid, Cassian. I didn't eat her leftovers. I fucked her husband."
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 14, 2021 15:43:16 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 14, 2021 15:43:16 GMT -5
No, he didn't think that. Not at all. He knew that they'd never be accepted in public together; the rest of their lives were simply going to be private moments and public appearances. There wasn't anything to hold this all together, and even if Aela changed her mind, things were different. He could no longer hide behind walls of pretending not to know and pretending not to care.
Perhaps it would be better for Ezra to leave. There was nothing keeping him here. Not Aela, and certainly not himself. They had just met, after all, and as much as they had fun, it was just that, right? Fun. It wasn't love, it wasn't companionship...they were just lonely. Cassian was hit with the realisation that really, he didn't mean anything to the man, despite the time they spent together.
He knew that in his head, but it still hurt just a little to realise that, and as much as he didn't exactly love Ezra nor Aela, nor anyone ever, it sucked to know how temporary anything in his life was, how little he really mattered in the long run. He chose the grave he was lying in, didn't he?
"You say that like I didn't have a choice," his voice sounded more bitter than he'd like, "seems like you already made up your mind."
Cassian sighed, wishing to just disappear right now. What was the point? He swallowed thickly. "You can at least tell me where you're going," he mumbled, "I'd hate to never see you again."
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▲ ezra collier & luce feyre
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Feb 15, 2021 16:16:31 GMT -5
Post by fleur on Feb 15, 2021 16:16:31 GMT -5
A key note of pain invading Cassian's voice diffused his anger enough for Ezra's hand to reach up and settle atop the hand clutching his shoulder. There was some quality to the other man that drew him in, that enticed him to let down his barriers for once-- just this once. "I have enjoyed our encounters extensively," he murmured. "If nothing else, I want you to know that. You've surprised me."
His original perceptions of the king-to-be had been tainted, poisoned by flashes of a man who would suck happiness out his best friend. He'd thought there no feasible explanation to her misery other than a dismal husband, but he'd been enamored by Cassian's natural grace and hungry eyes. Aela thought his actions vindictive, but that couldn't have been further for the truth. He was just used to going after what he wanted.
He turned slowly to face his king and stepped closer. For a moment-- a moment in which there was only breathe between them-- that's all he did, and then the distance between them was erased as his lips found passion again, his fingers moving to entwine in Cassian's curls in the way that deepened their kisses. If there was one last act he committed on these grounds, at least it was this. Pulling away, clearly pained in doing so, he said, "I'm going to Vela. I know it best there." Second only to here. but he reserved his bitter thoughts to himself, tracing the details of the king's face.
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 15, 2021 17:57:29 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 15, 2021 17:57:29 GMT -5
He had intended to simply leave, to let Ezra go as he turned his back to the man, but it seemed not the case. Ezra's hand on his shoulder made him look up. Ezra's words had been so soft, barely a whisper, but the tenderness made Cassian's walls fall ever so slightly. It had seemed forever since anyone had spoke to him with such warmth, and suddenly, all he could think of once again was how lonely this would all be without him.
The next thing he knew, Ezra's lips were on his, the man's hands winding through his hair, and Cassian made a sound in his throat, his own hands automatically winding around Ezra's waist, pulling him closer for a moment of bliss. All too soon, the moment was gone, leaving them with the space between words and a longing for things to be different.
"Vela?" his voice was soft, "I know it there." It was where he called home after all. Even more so if Ezra could be found there, he thought. "Maybe I'll find you again."
It was a farewell, a silent 'see you soon,' as Cass let go of Ezra, a final goodbye left unsaid on his lips.
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