Say goodbye to me, when you're there by my side / private

"Come help me find Cassian," Aela said to Andi, as Carina had been pulled into a conversation with Dante about something back home. It was mostly idle curiosity as to where he had gone to that drove her to go searching- he usually wasn't gone this long in the middle of a party, especially with his friends here.

The only place she could think of that he might have gone was their bedroom. She led Andi down the main hall in that direction, chatting about the gardens until they rounded a corner and saw Ezra and Cassian, wound up in each other, with Cassian pulling away from a kiss.

Aela came to an abrupt stop, heart sinking in her chest as she took in the way they were touching each other- the hands down each other's pants, the desire etched into both of their faces. The sight twisted a tight knot into her stomach, which doubled as they pulled apart to look at her, both of them grinning. Apparently they had been doing this for a while, and apparently they saw nothing wrong with it.

"Ezra, I expect you out of the castle by dawn," she said, in a cold and oddly stilted voice. "You can speak to Peter, and he'll find you work in Columba- or Vela. Anywhere but here." She had to get out of here- back to the safety of her room, right now. Or she would break down in front of them, and that wouldn't do. With a hurried step, she strode off past them, making a beeline for a place she could cry in private.

The two stormed off and Cassian was left with his head spinning and a huge 'what the fuck just happened' look on his face. Andi's snort made him snap out of his haze, as he turned to her with a confused look on her face. Unlike her usual eye-rolling unimpressed look, Andi actually seemed serious this time, and the exasperation on her face was legitimate.

"You just can't keep it in your pants, can you?" Andi sighed in disbelief, giving him a look, "seriously? Out here?"

"What?" Cassian frowned, "it's not like I knew she was going to come around." 

Andi rolled her eyes. "She came looking for you," she snapped, "because she was worried, and you were what, making out with a guard?" 

"We said it was okay," Cassian shrugged, "it's not like your parents didn't do the same damn thing." 

"Yeah, but they had the decency to pretend they didn't have affairs," Andi crossed her arms, shaking her head, "gods, just go to her, will you? Before the two of them rip each other's heads off. I'm staying out of your little lovers' spat." 

Cassian frowned, before following after the two. He had assumed that she'd go to their room first, but it didn't take long to realize that they'd be in the library. That was always where she ran off anyway. Cassian couldn't see why she was so angry at Ezra; they were friends, right? Why would she banish him because they were sleeping together, especially since they were both okay with extramarital relationships? 

He found them as Ezra was shouting at Aela. Exactly what she was doing? What–

Oh. Oh. Shit, he thought. A dry laugh left his mouth at the realization. So they were both sleeping with Ezra. "No way," he looked onto them with a wide-eyed mixture of surprise and amusement. He didn't mean to be insensitive, but well, it was hard to disguise what he was really feeling at the moment in any other way other than pure bafflement. 

"You two are...a thing?" he asked, completely without the awareness of how tense the situation was, "holy shit, okay I did not see this coming." Damn, he needed to sit down, his head was spinning. "Wait, I uh..." 

He had the decency to appear at least a little apologetic. "I didn't know...?" he mumbled, looking to Aela, before turning to Ezra, "I mean...we can talk through this right? You can't fire someone without me agreeing, and Ezra's the captain of the guard." He hated antagonizing Aela like this, especially like this, because as much as they constantly fought, kicking her when she was down was not a hobby of his, unlike what others thought. 

"Let's all calm down and talk, all right?" 

The temperature around them was rising-- incrementally at first, and then all at once-- and Ezra, with nothing to diminish the cocktail of hurt, guilt, and vitriol, slammed his fist into one of the books to his left, flames licking at the Warrior Cats images printed on its cover. The fire smoldered and then died, but the same couldn't be said for the man in front of her, his words holding a deadly heat but their delivery was like frigid steel. "Don't make this all about you," he hissed.

Whatever erupted from his mouth tonight, he would regret. Whatever blows he landed on her psyche, he would land more physical ones on himself in private. Whatever good sense told him to rein in his emotions, to yank them back and seal them away like the remainder of his deeply repressed traumas, he would ignore it.

"Poor queen fucking Aela, right? She's got a palace, riches, a husband, and a lover all for herself, everything handed to her on a silver fucking platter." His laugh was malicious, unrestrained. It was bitter and jeering. "I've always cared about you, loved you even, and for what? I've been the one at your side through everything-- your father, your coronation, this shitshow of a marriage. I listened to you and comforted you and kept my fucking mouth shut about all the times you pretended I didn't exist." There was a shift she would notice in him, something melancholic warping out of his furious eyes. "I was your secret friend. The first time you allowed us to be seen together was when you employed me. Like I'm some shameful secret of yours."

There was no denying the magnetic pull Ezra had to her, borne of a lifetime of friendship and understanding, two burdened children finding solace in one another, bonding over their shared pain. As a child, less jaded and pessimistic despite his circumstances, he had allowed for himself to consider the what ifs: What if she were not queen to be? What if he were of royal descent? What if blood no longer mattered and love was just love? But love wasn't love, and he was a pastor's son and she the king's heiress, and blood meant everything or it meant nothing. He could lay in her bed, but he'd never be the one sleeping in it.

"You're not the only fucking victim here, Aela," he said more quietly, but it wasn't without a sharp edge. "You can be mad at me all you want. Fuck it, go ahead and exile me. But you aren't the only victim in this. For what it's worth, Cassian was only supposed to be a quick fuck, but for once in my life, someone wasn't ashamed to be seen with me."

Okay, well this was getting out of hand. Cassian simply stared blankly at the two of them as they each shouted at him to shut up, and he had been about to whine about it when Ezra set something on fire. Okay, never mind. He took a step back, glancing to the two. There was definitely something he was missing out on clearly. Frankly, he kind of felt left out, but then again, that might not be a bad thing either, at least not right now. 

He didn't know who to talk to. Ezra, who was a raging inferno of pain and rage, or Aela, who seemed to want nothing to do with him right now. He had never been good at comforting people, and frankly, he'd prefer just disappearing and turning invisible right now. It was perhaps a good thing, then, that he wasn't exactly sober, because yes, this totally killed the mood but he'd rather pretend to not fully be in his right mind to deal with this than to actually own up to any of this drama right now. 

"Aela–" he tried again, but she was crying now. Shit. He had never intended to really hurt her. Jeez, why couldn't they just all get along in the simplest way possible? They had been okay with this 'other affairs thing.' It wasn't like there were anything off limits. Guilt felt heavy in his chest despite his own indignation, and yet, he couldn't help but feel frustrated by this whole situation. Everything was just so complicated.

"You know, we could've solved all of this with a lot less heartbreak if you guys just decided to be in a polyamorous relationship. If you two love each other and I'm still apparently here, I don't mind sharing–" he pointed out before he could shut himself up, his hands flying to his mouth. Yep, probably not helping, at all. Yep, maybe he should just leave. 

Cassian seemed visibly frustrated now as he watched Ezra march off. Seriously, this was just becoming a huge mess, and he wasn't sure whether to attend to Aela or Ezra first. He turned to Aela first, looking at her crying face. He really didn't intend for any of this to happen. He wanted to reach out to her, to comfort her, but there was just so much awkwardness, much of it inflicted by himself. He never knew what to say when she was angry at him, and she made it clear she didn't want him around right now. 

But if he didn't chase after Ezra, he was certain the man would leave, perhaps forever. If he left...it would be harder to find him after. It wasn't his position to go chasing after a wayward guard, and if it resorted to that, well, that would be a can of worms he wasn't sure how to open. If he left, then he'd be alone again. Aela certainly wouldn't want to talk to him after this, and Ezra was one of the few he could still be himself with. 

A sigh left his mouth. "Just give me a minute," he pleaded with Aela, rubbing his face to try to sober up, as he ran after Ezra. The man was certainly quick. 

"Ezra!" he shouted as the man stormed out of the castle, "Ezra, wait!" 

He ran after him, grabbing him by the shoulder, "gods, can you just wait?! Look, I know you're angry but can we just...take twenty four hours and come back to this conversation later? Let's not do anything while you're–we're all angry and not in the right mindset, okay?" 

///

Andi didn't take long to find Aela in the library. At first, she wasn't sure how to approach; clearly, something had happened and she knew if she saw Cassian later on today, she was going to lay it on him for sure. She approached lightly, cautiously. 

"Aela?" her voice was gentle, "are you okay?"

"Come here," Andi murmured softly, pulling Aela into a hug, rubbing her back lightly. Her heart ached for the other girl, despite not really knowing what was going on. If anything, she had always assumed they'd do what most of the other royals did and sleep with others behind each other's backs, but whatever had happened seemed to have caught Aela unaware. She really had to get a better picture of what was going on. 

"You should've seen me during my last breakup," she joked lightly, "I looked a lot worse than you did. Trust me, I'm an ugly crier." 

She continued to hold Aela as her tears ran down her face, pulling a napkin from her bag and giving it to the other girl. "Here," she murmured, "just cry it all out. If you want, I'm always here to listen. I might've met Cass before I met you but you're still my friend, all right?" 

"Ezra..." Andi spoke slowly, trying to piece together the story, "you mean the guard just now? Was he a friend of hers? She frowned; this seemed like such a complicated matter. From what she could gather, it seemed like Aela was not as angry at Cassian as she was at the guard. Had the two been–? 

"Was Ezra your ex or something?" Andi guessed, "or...do you two have a thing right now?" 

Andi frowned. Damn, this was more complicated than she thought. 

"No, he's not," she replied bluntly, "you thought that you two had a thing and if he didn't, he should've mentioned it, but...to be honest, men are kind of like this. No offense but they really can be kind of trash. Maybe he's just reacting like this because he doesn't want to take the blame. Guys do that, you know? Some people just get angry to avoid feeling whatever else they're feeling because being angry's easy." 

She sighed. "Even if that's the reason, it's not your fault," she murmured, "you have every right to be as angry as he is if he wasn't telling you the truth. Don't beat yourself up too much about it, sometimes the trash takes itself out." 

Frankly, Andi never really did have any patience with men. There was a reason she wasn't exactly all too interested in them anyway–at least most of them. This kind of drama seemed to always revolve around a boy or another. 

"Of course!" Andi spoke immediately, "we can have a good old fashioned sleepover, you know, with all the sweets and the pillow forts and you can tell me everything. It'll be fun, okay? Just forget the boys for the night; we can slap them upside the head tomorrow, all right?" 

Andi stood up, still holding Aela's hands. "Come on, let's go get your stuff okay? We have a sleepover to attend to. Are you going to tell everyone to go home or should will they manage that on their own?"