▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 6, 2021 14:32:33 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 6, 2021 14:32:33 GMT -5
Cassian felt his breath catch in his throat. "What?" his chest felt tight, his hand stilling on her back as she buried her face in his chest. He could remember the exact incident she was talking about. The manticore, the cage, the chains...he rubbed his own wrists subconsciously. There were still faint marks there after all these years.
It didn't take long for him to put two and two together. This was getting strange. "Was that what you dreamed about?" his voice was eerily quiet. He felt a little too hot all of a sudden, yet cold at the same time. This had been a memory he blocked out for years. For years, he had told himself it wasn't so bad. His father had been less angry afterwards. His siblings had never found out, assuming that he had gone with his mother on a trip instead, and simply came back early because he was feeling sick. He had started school two weeks later, and that had been the biggest blessing of his life. His father had even said he was proud.
All of that had seemingly outweighed the trauma of it all, and he hadn't been hurt. It's just a few scratches and scrapes, he could hear his father say, nothing worse than if you had fallen off a horse while training. And that was that. You killed a manticore, his had patted him on the back, I wouldn't have let it hurt you. You managed it all by yourself. Young Cassian had puffed out his chest at that, the pride in his father's eyes had been so new, so foreign.
"It wasn't that bad," he lied, "and...it wasn't my dad who killed the manticore. That was me." Embarrassment coloured his cheeks. It had been him. It had all been him. Even now, he could barely control the power that had awakened in him that night. There was a reason he rarely used it. He'd never admit it to anyone, but part of him was terrified by it, by how easily he had ripped that poor thing apart, even if it tried to kill him.
"I think I had a dream about you," he admitted, "when your father blinded you. You were bleeding so much, I...I can't imagine what that must've been like either."
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Feb 6, 2021 14:50:51 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 6, 2021 14:50:51 GMT -5
Aela nodded. "I could tell it was you. I could- well, I could feel what you felt. I know it was bad, Cassian- you don't have to lie." He mentioned the blinding again, and she pulled back slightly, glancing up at his face to see what he knew. From the look in his eyes, he'd seen it all.
So they were swapping memories in their sleep? How peculiar. She had never intended to share those emotions with anyone, as deeply buried as they were. "Facial wounds do tend to bleed more," she said, raising a hand to her forehead even though no mark remained. "To be honest, the blood was nowhere as bad as the blindness."
So he knew it all now- and she knew how cruel his father could be. Aela raised a hand to Cassian's cheek, running her thumb along his cheekbone with uncharacteristic tenderness, emboldened by the darkness and the intimacy of the moment. "You've seen it- so you know I can't leave. And I know why your father scares you so much. Please, Cassian- leave. You can go with my blessing. You never have to see him again- or fear him again. I can handle this on my own."
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 6, 2021 15:10:04 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 6, 2021 15:10:04 GMT -5
His expression was thoughtful. "To be honest, it does sound like a good idea," he admitted, "I thought about running away too. It wouldn't have been impossible but...if I left, I'd most likely be dead. I can't imagine my father taking that well and as much as I have nothing to lose, it doesn't feel that way." He didn't want to spend his whole life hiding, unable to return home, unable to return to Lacaille, as much as he resented the way certain things were. He couldn't imagine never seeing his friends again, to start anew with nothing at all.
Perhaps a braver man could do it, but Cassian wasn't sure he was that braver man. He hated the stuffiness of this life, but he understood it as a duty, and despite how much he denied it, he did worry about Aela. "–and if I leave, what's going to happen to you? Finally getting rid of me to marry someone else?" he teased, though the humour seemed a little forced, "the next person who you might have to marry...might not be as kind."
He certainly hadn't been, but people married into royalty for power, didn't they? He could imagine, other boys raised for this position, boys that could be like his brother, who despite all of his girlfriends and accolades, had a mean streak that was prone to violence. Maybe these were all excuses, but his opinion on Aela had changed since their early days, even if they still felt like two puzzle pieces that didn't quite fit.
"To be honest, I don't want my father to win either," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. He just didn't know how to go about it. There was another problem in the air, one he felt he needed to address. "These dreams we're having too...I don't know what's going on but they're not normal, and I don't know why this is happening, but something's up."
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Feb 6, 2021 15:22:01 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 6, 2021 15:22:01 GMT -5
"You don't have to worry about me," Aela said, ignoring his humor and letting her hand fall down to cover his where it rested on the bed. "There are ways of avoiding another marriage. I can say I'm infertile and appoint an heir- my sister, or her future children."
Most noblemen wanted an heir, she knew, and news that the Queen was unable to provide that work in her favor- though it wouldn't weed out the ones who simply wanted power. Besides, she did not want to remarry. Even if Cassian could be childish and obnoxious, she cared too much for him to think about starting over with someone else again.
"But if you won't go, I won't make you. We can figure out your father together. Though to be honest, I don't know what to do about the dreams. They're beyond anything I've seen before. I don't know if there's anything to do except ride them out?"
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 6, 2021 15:36:48 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 6, 2021 15:36:48 GMT -5
He turned to her, as if trying to figure her out. She was so willing to help, and part of him would always ask...why? It made no sense, she'd gain nothing out of this. He couldn't give her what she wanted. They weren't in love, hell, they barely tolerated each other, and still, she was willing to go so far to make sure he was fine. He couldn't understand that. Was that what it was like to be a light fairy? Not the shitty kind her father was, but truly...was this just how things were for them? That they'd willingly throw their lives for those around them?
Cassian couldn't understand her at all, or this complicated relationship of theirs. He did care, it was just...difficult. He didn't understand himself either. It was probably easier to focus on the other problem at hand, the easier problem. The dreams, what the hell were they?
"My parents used to teach us about these dreams," he admitted, "that's...one of the things dark fairies can do. We can send nightmares to people, build them up and craft them around people's fears. Some fairies just have that talent, where they can figure out what you're scared of most." His theory was clear even with the unsaid words, that his father had been good at this, and that he had punished his children this way.
"The key is to find the source, I think," he looked to Aela with a thoughtful expression, "we're supposed to look for something that doesn't make sense. A mistake. Something that makes you realize this is a dream, or something that makes you realize you're not afraid anymore...but I guess I haven't been able to do that."
He had never figured it out, like his siblings did. After all, the rest of them had always been able to control the darkness, to embrace it as part of themselves. Cassian was the only who couldn't.
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Feb 6, 2021 15:49:38 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 6, 2021 15:49:38 GMT -5
Aela couldn't have told him if it was just her or if more light fairies were like that. As far as she was concerned, it was easier to help Cassian with his issues than open herself up to fixing her own. She had accepted this life long ago, but Cassian still had a chance.
"But these dreams... they're more memory than dream. How do I find the mistake in your memory?" Aela asked, tilting her head in confusion. She was no dark fairy, and she was no match for figuring out these dreams. "Even in my own dreams, I don't see mistakes. It all happens so fast."
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 6, 2021 16:40:56 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 6, 2021 16:40:56 GMT -5
He shook his head. "I've never been able to figure it out either," he admitted, "I know there must be some way, but...sometimes I wonder if it's because my family had a different way of looking at the world. They were always...well, you've met my father and my sister, and my older brother wasn't any different when he was still alive. They weren't..."
Weak. They weren't weak, like him. Dark fairies weren't supposed to be afraid, much less afraid of their own powers. They were supposed to absorb the fear, the anger, the hatred. They could fuel their powers on their own, a far cry from some of the other fairies. Except Cassian had always felt the apathy more than anything else, and fear had only repressed his magic. It had never helped him gain control.
"Your sister...she's a dark fairy, isn't she?" he mused, turning to Aela, "perhaps...perhaps she'd know what was going on. I know you're not close to her."
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Feb 6, 2021 17:36:46 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 6, 2021 17:36:46 GMT -5
"She is. But your guess is as good as mine in that regard. I have not been privy to her training or powers or anything. Sometimes... well, she feels like a stranger to me." Aela spoke softly, remembering the dream she'd had. She wanted to get to know her sister... but how to start, after so many years?
She didn't really want to think about it at all, for the time being. She wanted to go to sleep. "I can ask her in the coming days," she said, moving back to her side of the bed and laying back down, staring up at the ceiling. "I need to get more sleep. Hopefully the nightmares over for tonight- goodnight, Cass."
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 6, 2021 19:16:57 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 6, 2021 19:16:57 GMT -5
He sighed. None of this made sense. Perhaps there was a way to learn more...the library perhaps? The monarchy had always been a light fairy and a dark fairy, for hundreds of years. They had to have something that could teach him more about this. Or if not, was there no potion that could fix this? He knew mind fairies often had the ability to do so, but he never trusted them much. He hated the idea of someone digging through his mind that way.
"Yeah, tomorrow I guess," he mumbled, as he slid back into the comfort of the bed, he too staring at the ceiling, before turning to Aela. "Goodnight," he sighed quietly, as he tried to fall asleep once more, trying to force the worries out of his turbulent mind.
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