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Feb 1, 2021 13:40:57 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 13:40:57 GMT -5
The older man seemed to need no more invitation to gossip, apparently unafraid of the royal teenager. "Old scullery maid who used to work here, long ago, with her husband and daughter. They were popular among the servants. Their girl- Lizzie? Lisbeth? Something like that- was the Queen's age. They were cronies."
He clicked his tongue, eyes lost in the past. "Neither of those children had a lot of friends. That tyrant of a former king kept Aela from pretty much everybody, and there weren't many servant children for Jeanie's girl to play with. Still, this was back 'fore the king got too strict. He let Aela come down to play with Lizzie from time to time. Never saw her happier than she was with Jeanie's girl." The servant cast a glance at the Queen, who was intently leveling flour with a knife to be precise in her measurements. "I guess one day she got too distracted with their game. Missed some sort of meeting. It was a small thing, I think, but the king blew his top. Hauled off and slapped her in front of the staff, and fired Jeanie's family to sep'rate the girls fer embarrassing him. Last I heard they were cross country working for a lower level noble family, but I ain't seen 'em since. Nor was the young queen allowed any more cronies. Too distractin'."
As Cassian found the brandy, the man scratched a patch of dry skin on his cheek. "Anyways, the queen's cousin looks like Lizzie or Lisbeth or whatever her name was. Acts like her too. It's probably why she's Aela's favorite cousin."
Jessi darted over, pulling on Cassian's sleeve. "Hurry up with that filling!" She said with a bright smile. "Though I doubt Aela will finish the crust any time soon. She takes so long."
"I hear you over there," Aela said, looking over with a smile. "Don't make me quit my culinary aspirations altogether."
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 1, 2021 14:06:56 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 14:06:56 GMT -5
Cassian nodded along, still rummaging around while the man spoke. So it seemed they had similar daddy issues, huh? A dry sense of amusement seemed to bubble up in the boy, as he finally found the bottle of kirsch. Spirits, he was glad he was never royalty like that. Was this why she was always on his ass about being on time? He didn't know much about her father, but he knew what it was like, at least. He grew up terrified of the Rotherhithe patriarch too. Seemed like all noble kids had daddy issues.
It explained some things at least. Not having friends probably made her as awkward as she was now; at least he had the ability to sneak out, and well, not being born a king meant that he went to private school like all the other rich kids in the city. Personal tutors had been out of style in Vela for years, something about kids having to learn how to assert their social order or something and connect with others.
Cassian looked up to the child again, and then to Aela. He wondered what her mother was like. He knew that the king and queen were seen as equals, and were meant to act that way, even if it wasn't always true. His own mother was always subservient to his father's wishes, was the former queen the same? Aela clearly took after her father, even if the man was strict. That was the difference between them, wasn't it? On one hand, she followed the man's foot steps while Cassian spent his whole life fearing and resenting his. He couldn't understand it, how anyone could follow the steps of a parent who hurt them. Part of him wanted to ask; did she ever love her parents? Was she doing this because of them? Did she ever want to just...leave? Do her own thing? Find her long lost friend?
Perhaps some things weren't meant to be understood, he thought dryly, only pulled out of his thoughts when the child was yanking at his sleeve. Right. The pie filling. "You know, it needs to sit for a while,' he chuckled, being pulled along.
Uncapping the old bottle, he poured a small glass of the deep red liquid, already putting it to his lips. He knew Aela thought he was a raging alcoholic–she wasn't really wrong about that either–but hey, a good bottle of kirsch was a secret ingredient in Antonio's cherry pies, and this really wasn't bad either. A bit sweeter than the ones back home, perhaps, but strong enough to give it a kick.
Without a second thought, he splashed the rest of the small glass into the filling mixture.
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Feb 1, 2021 14:15:23 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 14:15:23 GMT -5
"Jessi, come help me," Aela called quickly, so the girl turned away from the king as he drank. She shot him a pointed look as he poured the liquid into the pie. Not that it really mattered- the alcohol should bake off- but the principle of chugging alcohol in front of a child and then dumping it into dessert... it made her lips press together in displeasure.
Jessi flitted over, reaching up to flick some flour onto Aela's cheek. Aela stood for a half-second, torn between reprimanding the child like young Aela would have been, and laughing. The sparkle in Jessi's eyes won her over, though, and she just laughed, nudging the girl towards the crust. "You'll have to cut in the butter. I'm lost."
With that, she turned to Cassian, raising her eyebrows. "I hope you found something to help your parched throat," she said, brushing her hands off on her apron. "And that your thirst is quenched now."
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 1, 2021 14:38:00 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 14:38:00 GMT -5
It wasn't like he had downed the bottle or anything, he thought with a frown, what the hell was her problem? Frankly, dealing with her was contributing more to his alcoholism than anything else. It was just a sip; who would add anything to food without taste testing it first? Cassian rolled his eyes, twisting the cork back into the bottle as he continued to stir the filling before putting the spoon to his mouth. Hm...could use a bit more sugar. He poured another half cup of sugar before dumping it into the bowl.
"I did, thanks," he replied, his voice sounded just a little tired, devoid of usual edge that often entered into his conversations with Aela, "not sure if you understand the concept of a wine tasting, or you know, tasting what you put into your pie fillings in case something's gone off, but you should try it sometime, your majesty. You might learn a thing or two."
Despite the lack of malice in his tone, the sarcasm was still evident. Spirits he could use another high right now; even if it was taking the edge off, interacting with his wife felt like he was pulling his teeth out. And to think he had made a filling with a recipe from home too. She could at least appreciate it; the book's recipe was clearly lacking. Adding the last few ingredients–a couple of spices that seemed more common in cooking back in Vela–he brought the bowl over.
"What's next?" he asked the younger girl, pointedly ignoring Aela, "do you need any help rolling out the dough?"
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Feb 1, 2021 15:03:26 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 15:03:26 GMT -5
"You can roll it out." Jessi handed over the rolling pin, dragging Aela over to help make the bread. There was little conversation after that until the food was prepped and the aprons taken off. Jessi led them both to the dining room, sitting them across from each other and plopping herself at the head of the table as the courses started being brought in.
Aela was glad to leave the talking to Jessi, since she still didn't really know how to talk to Cassian. Jessi chattered on uninterrupted several times, giving length soliloquies about her youthful struggles.
"Aela, you should sing for us!" Jessi said suddenly, turning to her cousin. "You promised you would do the song about the fox's ghost!" After a moment, she turned back to Cassian. "Have you heard Aela sing? She performs at the annual winter concert each year- my mom says she has the voice of a celestial being!"
"Your mom flatters me," Aela said with a faint smile, looking between her and Cassian awkwardly. "I'm sure Cassian doesn't want to hear me sing."
"And I'm sure he does!" Jessi protested. Aela sighed softly before nodding, giving Jessi a smile of assent.
A harp was accordingly brought in by a servant, and the queen plucked a few strings before launching into the song Jessi had requested, a quaint, sad song about a fox cub looking for the ghost of his friend. Jessi had not been lying- Aela sang beautifully, as it was one of the few hobbies she'd actually been allowed to pursue. Everything about her seemed softer when she sang, too, more melancholy and melodic.
When she was done, Jessi burst into applause. "Wasn't she great, Cass?" The young girl asked, turning to her new friend. "One day my mom said I could get harp lessons, too."
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Feb 1, 2021 16:01:08 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 16:01:08 GMT -5
Cassian didn't mind this sort of mindless work. Doing things with his hands meant he could focus on just what was in front of him. It meant a break from his own thoughts. While his hands were just a little more clumsy than usual, this was still simple stuff. Rolling it out, pressing it into the greased pan, cutting it into strips and putting a wash and a sprinkle of sugar on top, and it was into the oven.
Everything was just going through the motions now as they walked towards . He listened to Jessi as she talked about her day to day, a faint smile on his face. At least someone out here was having fun, living a normal life. He started on his pheasant, chewing when Jessi suggested that Aela sing. Huh, so she could sing? He turned to look at Aela with a curious expression. "I'd love to hear it," he replied evenly. He knew a few of those common songs, but he had never heard the one of the fox ghost.
She was a good singer. Her voice had a warmth in it that wasn't there when she spoke, well, at least to him. There was a bit of sadness too, at least to him. When she finished the song, he too gave her a round of applause. He turned to Jessi when she asked her question.
"It was beautiful," he agreed, turning to Jessi with a smile, "I'm sure you'd do just as well. Maybe the two of you could do a duet in the future."
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Feb 1, 2021 16:43:01 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 16:43:01 GMT -5
"Thank you," Aela said, faintly chagrined at the attention. "And we must do a duet." Jessi beamed at her, and Aela brightened considerable as the pie was brought in, warm and golden crusted. As she ate, she glanced between her two companions, for once enjoying herself in Cassian's company.
"The touches you added were nice," she said, after pushing her empty plate away from her. "Thank you, Cassian." For once, she spoke kindly to him, softened by her cousin's presence and the pie and the praise for her singing. Of course, it wouldn't last, but it was nice to pretend that there was no animosity between them.
"And you," she said, turning to Jessi with a mock stern look, causing the child to laugh. "You need to be heading off to bed. You can't fool me into letting you stay up late."
Jessi got up, darting over to hug Cassian before stopping in front of Aela. The Queen smiled, leaning forward to kiss the girl's forehead and pat her cheek before the maid stepped in to escort the young woman back to her bedroom.
Aela cleared her throat, turning back to her husband. "You're free to go as well. I won't keep you here for clean-up- I'm sure it'll bore you."
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Feb 1, 2021 17:12:19 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 17:12:19 GMT -5
So she wasn't always condescending and judgmental, Cassian mused, blinking at Aela, before giving her a stiff nod. At least he wasn't making some snide comment about his alcohol or something. He'd have to take that as a compliment, he supposed. Cooking was at least one of the few things he could take a little bit of pride in. Of course, it didn't matter in the long run–people like them would always have cooks to do the real work–but hey, at least he wouldn't starve if he was left out in the cold, right?
The pie really wasn't half bad. Still a little sour, if he could say so himself, but that was more about the cherries than his recipe. The hint of cinnamon really did remind him of home, even if it was just for a brief second. The man was starting to feel more awake now, slipping out of the hazey warmth of his high and falling back into the real world, his mind drifting back to the present instead of up in the clouds.
He didn't even realize it was late until Jessi gave him a hug to wish him a good night. He stiffened at first, unused to the touch, but quickly relaxed, giving the girl a pat on the head. "Good night, kiddo," he replied with a soft smile, for a moment letting his guard down, as the young girl ran over to her cousin, and the man composed himself once more.
Great, now it was just the two of them again. At least this dinner hadn't been nearly as disastrous as the last time they were both in the same room. He looked away awkwardly, eating the remainder of his pie as the child left to her own room.
Clean up? "Don't you just have to call the maid?" he spoke, the serene tone had turned into a tired one. It had been a long day, or at least, it felt like one. He rang the bell, as he finished up the last crumbs of his pie slice, wiping his mouth with the napkin before tossing it on the table, glancing at Aela for a brief moment. In the end, there were still questions. Why didn't she tell him they had visitors? Who the hell was Lizzie? Why was she still acting on her father's orders after all he had done?
She had already been some kind of puzzle he couldn't solve before this, and now, the puzzle seemed to have gotten plenty bigger.
He decided to ask anyway. Better do it when she wasn't exactly insulting him yet. "Who's Lizzie?"
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Feb 1, 2021 17:44:57 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 17:44:57 GMT -5
The question came so suddenly, after so many years, that Aela was taken off guard. For a moment, pain and sorrow flashed through her features, before she could compose herself.
"Aela Sutcliffe!" The voice had echoed through the kitchen, where Aela and Lizzie sat in the corner, sketching on loose sheets of paper. Her father had stormed through the door, truly enraged for once in his life. His hand had found Aela's hair, holding her securely and dragging from her chair, throwing her to the middle of the room.
The cooks stopped their work, glancing at one another in confusion. The King had never set foot in the kitchen before. Aela scrambled to her feet, golden eyes wide as she realized her mistake. "Please- Dad- I'm sorry-"
The strike came before she could finish speaking, sending her to the floor again. Lizzie had run from her own chair, crouching beside Aela. "You embarrassed me- you embarrassed yourself. For what? Coloring? You are a future Queen- you are not some servant's child who can spend her days on such folly! And you-" He had turned his gaze towards Lizzie, raising her hand as if to strike her as well. Jeanie had stepped between them, eyes daring the King to move his hand any farther.
King Iki had lowered his hand, eyes hard. "You and your family will be gone from the palace by nightfall. I do not care where you go- but you will not stay here. Come, Aela."
With that he had turned on his heel and left. Aela clutched Lizzie's hands, fighting back the tears that welled in her eyes. Lizzie had thrown her arms around her, pulling her in for a hug before pushing her towards her father. "Go. You know it'll be worse if you don't."
Aela had followed her father, then. One last glance over her shoulder was the last she'd seen of her only friend.
Aela's hand raised to her mouth, visibly working to fight back the shock on her face. Once she had composed herself, she blinked at Cassian. "How do you know about Lizzie?"
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Feb 1, 2021 17:55:21 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 17:55:21 GMT -5
So the old man's story was true. Cassian's brow furrowed in thought. He couldn't understand any of this. He frowned, leaning back in his chair, his gaze fixed on the young queen, debating whether to answer truthfully or not. So it was probably true, Aela's dad really was like his own. He couldn't imagine a grown man hitting a child like that, especially a girl. It was pretty common for boys to get their ass whooped, but he had never seen his father raise a hand against his sister, something about how that just wasn't right. Damn, whoever the king was, he certainly had no shame.
"I heard someone mention the name," he replied with a frown, "something to do with....well, you know, your uh...daddy issues?"
As much as Cassian had wanted to be careful broaching this topic, it certainly didn't come out that way. The words just sort of tumbled out of his mouth without a second thought and now he immediately wanted to take that back. He felt his ears turn warm, masking his now awkward expression by sipping at the glass of water he was given.
"I–uh, someone mentioned that Jessi looked like her. They said she was your friend or something?" Okay, maybe he should just shut up now.
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Feb 1, 2021 18:12:17 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 18:12:17 GMT -5
The effort to maintain her composure was clear in her knuckles, which clutched the tablecloth. "I suppose Jessi looks like her- or at least like she did when I knew her," she said slowly. "We were good friends. I wish her well, wherever she is now. But she was- she was not good for me. She prevented me from doing my duties."
This was what her father had said, in his low tones, after Aela had begged him to reconsider. "Perhaps- perhaps my father was strict. But he was doing what was best for me. Without him I would not have the strength and d-discipline that I need to rule." The words were robotic and well-rehearsed. Aela had repeated them night after night, after the tears had dried on her pillowcase. Strength and discipline. Discipline and strength. No distractions.
"My father was a good king. He ran the kingdom well. I can only hope to follow in his footsteps with the training he gave me. Some things... are worth sacrificing, in order to fulfill our duty." She stood, brushing her hands off. "Are you coming to bed now, or will you be finding another distraction beforehand?" The topic change was defensive, indicative that Cassian was getting too, too close to cracking the delicate lies she'd constructed her life around.
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Feb 1, 2021 18:36:18 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 18:36:18 GMT -5
Cassian's nose flared in disbelief. How could she really believe that? "You don't seriously believe that, do you?" his voice was incredulous. It wasn't even a jab or an insult, just pure disbelief at the way she defended the man. Why? It made no sense at all. "The man isolated you from anyone your age, apparently backhanded you and forced a family to pack and flee in the dead of night because their kid dared to be your friend...and you're defending him?"
The boy didn't mean to be cruel, but there was no way he could voice his thoughts in a kinder way. He himself rarely ever felt any kind of real connection with anyone, much less this robotic itinerary of a person in front of him, but for the very first time, there was some type of emotion he had for her. Not care, not condescending, just...sympathy. Or well, perhaps it was empathy. He had gone through the same thing too for most of his childhood, having been isolated in the house because he couldn't meet up to expectations. He wasn't born with natural talents, or a cleverness one couldn't describe. He had been the weak link. It was only when he finally unlocked his powers–plenty later than most–that he had been allowed to mingle with the others outside of the household. It was then he realized how wrong his father was.
"He sacrificed you to be king," he spoke bluntly. Just like my father did to further his own ambitions, he thought bitterly. "That sounds like a shit father to me. I don't understand how you can think so highly of him, especially since he abused you like that. He threw out a family just because he felt like it and they cared for their kid more than he did. That's cruel."
Perhaps he was crossing a line, calling Aela's father a piece of shit, but he didn't care. Bluntness was always a strong personality point within him. As poised as he could be in front of the masses, it didn't exactly translate well, especially not now. He couldn't understand why the other girl didn't see the truth. Figures, he thought bitterly, coming from someone who spoke like that. The apple never fell far from the tree.
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Feb 1, 2021 19:02:37 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 19:02:37 GMT -5
He was right. He was so right that it hurt. He was the tiny voice that had whispered in the back of her mind for years. Her father had been a piece of shit- one that micromanaged her within an inch of her life and struck her any time she did anything wrong- forget something, cry, let her control slip in the slightest. She had spent her childhood jealous of the gentle way Lizzie's father had talked to her, the way he pinched her cheek affectionately.
He was wrong. Her father had done what was necessary. The life of a monarch was not an easy one- he had to prepare her. He had to be strict. There were so many things she could not have, and a soft father was one of them. Her mother had been kinder, but less influential according to her father's direction. A light fairy monarch should train the next light fairy monarch. And she had agreed. Surely her parents knew what was best for her? What did this outsider know? He did not know her.
Aela pressed her palms to her temples, pushing in to try to stop the conflicting voices in her head. "Do not..." she started, whirling back to Cassian with wild eyes. "You are in no position to lecture me. You never wanted to be here! And who sent you, huh? Who forced you into marriage? Do not speak to me of daddy issues, of fathers who sacrifice their children's happiness. At least- at least I'm capable of bearing the burden my father put on me!"
With that, she fled from the room, moving as quickly as she could back to their room. Olive climbed into her arms as she sank to the floor, choking back the sobs that threatened to break loose. She could not cry now, she reflected, petting the purring kitten. Cassian could be here at any point, and if she let this storm break loose she would not be able to contain it for a while. So coldly and methodically she prepared herself for bed- she could avoid conversation if she were asleep.
And asleep she was when Cassian returned to the room. The moonlight spilled in through the open window and onto the bed where his wife slept. Olive looked up at Cassian from where she lay, in the crook of the Queen's elbow. Aela's face was softer in sleep, almost peaceful apart from the single pearly tear track that ran down her right cheek, illuminated in the light of the full moon.
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Feb 1, 2021 19:49:05 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 19:49:05 GMT -5
The faint flare of anger rose in Cassian's chest at the words she shot back at him. Of course. It made the knot in his stomach tighten, that he had shown such a brief moment of weakness those few weeks ago. He had found composition then, but too late. She knew exactly what it took to hurt him, and intimately so, it seemed. A dry laugh left his mouth at that. As if she could hurt him the same way.
"Of course, I'm the disappointment," he called after her. She had that ability really, to weaponize every tiny bit of information he provided and then disappear before he could get another word in. Bitterness filled his chest at that. It had been years since anyone got on his nerves the same way she did. Why couldn't she understand that he had brought this up because for once, he actually cared about this conversation?
Perhaps if this conversation had gone well, he wouldn't have felt so miserably alone, he thought, before pushing it away. What was the point of thinking that way? She'd never see him as an equal anyway, constantly lording over him as if he was just another pet of hers, like that cat she had. It was pathetic of him really, to think that they had anything in common. What did he even think was going to happen? That the two of them would sit around, have a drink and swap stories of how shitty their parents were? Please. He should've never brought it up.
Instead he had just given her another opportunity to drive her point forward. He cursed his own stupidity, for even bringing this up. All he was doing was just dredging up his own past, the memories he himself had wanted to keep hidden. Entering his bedroom, he found Aela already asleep. He sighed, changing before crawling in as well, his back turned against Aela, trying to get some sleep himself.
Except even that was difficult. His dreams didn't seem to want to cooperate with him at all. It had been years since he had a nightmare of his own, one that wasn't sent to him as a punishment from his family. He was alone, sitting in the kitchen, when his father stormed in. Late! the man's voice boomed, eyes blazing as the man grabbed his arm, backhanding him across the cheek sending him sprawling onto the ground. This wasn't a memory. The man rarely laid a hand on him, and even if he did, he preferred to beat him where it wasn't so obvious. A bruise to the cheek certainly would gain some attention when he went to school...
Without another word, the man grabbed his wrist, pulling so hard it made him stumble, and suddenly, they were on the way to the basement again. The basement. No. His breath caught in his throat. No, no, no, anything but that. Please, he was begging, I promise it'll never happen again. Please, father.
He could feel the man's eyes turn to him, glowing a menacing purple as he morphed into a giant bat, lunging towards his face with its snapping teeth––
Cassian jerked forwards, waking up to the faint light streaming through the gap in the curtains, awake earlier than even the servants. He could feel the hairs on his skin standing up, as he shivered. What the hell was that?
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Feb 1, 2021 20:01:20 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 20:01:20 GMT -5
Aela had not dreamed that night, but the twitching of her husband beside her roused her sometime in the very early morning. She had opened her eyes, watching him move uneasily in the low light, before he suddenly shot to a seated position.
Still sleepy, and faintly regretful of her outburst the night before, she reached forward, touching his elbow very gently. "Cassian?" She whispered into the silence that was broken only by his heavy breathing. "Are you... are you okay?"
Perhaps he would be embarrassed that she found him in this state. But she had seen him in worse, hadn't she? And whatever else they said to each other- well at the end of the day, she had still sworn a vow. She was still his wife.
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Feb 1, 2021 20:29:58 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 1, 2021 20:29:58 GMT -5
His face was ghostly pale, the dazed expression on his face remained while his eyes flitted around the room. Doors, bathroom, corners, closet, as his breathing slowed to a regular pace. It was Aela's touch that shook him out of his daze, as his bloodshot eyes met hers for a brief moment, the remnants of his terror still visible in his dark eyes. The man buried his face in his hands for a brief moment, a hand sliding down his face.
"I'm fine," he croaked, an evident lie. He flinched from her touch as he sucked in another breath.
Where did that dream even come from? It certainly wasn't a usual one. As much as he hated the nightmares his father used against him, they had...similarities. Often terrifying beasts or the fear of death, or of course, the 'dungeon,' a name he used for the small basement the man would lock him in for the night with whatever sadistic thing he felt could scare the shit out of him. This felt so strangely of a memory, except all the details felt...different. Whatever it was, he wanted to forget it as soon as he could.
He didn't even register the embarrassment until moments later, and he could feel his heart sink just a little more. Great. More material she could lord over him the next fight they had.
"You can go back to sleep," he muttered, "sorry if I woke you. It won't happen again."
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Feb 1, 2021 20:42:52 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 1, 2021 20:42:52 GMT -5
He didn't want her touch- that was fine. Aela pulled her hand away slowly, reluctantly. It still felt nice to touch someone. But she wouldn't leave him to his fear. She slipped out of bed, leaning out into the hallway and ringing a bell for a pot of tea for the two of them. After giving the whispered order, she moved back to her side of the bed, giving Cassian the distance he wanted as she sank onto the mattress and leaned back against the headboard.
"It was just a dream. You don't have to apologize. I probably should, though," she said, feeling a little more open in the cover of darkness and with his back to her. "I didn't mean to snap at you earlier. I'm sorry." She wouldn't admit that he had been right- of course he wasn't. But she didn't mean to act like she had. Just... something about him grated her like nobody else did.
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Feb 2, 2021 5:41:27 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 2, 2021 5:41:27 GMT -5
Breathing exercises. In for five seconds, out for seven. His eyes were closed, as he tried to keep his heart rate steady. No weaknesses. The darkness was usually a comfort to him, but right now, it felt oppressive, like a heavy weight on his chest. He sighed. It was just a dream. Nothing else. His father was back in Vela, and there wasn't a basement in this castle...at least not one he'd be locked up in. He was older now. No longer a child without ability. He was fine. He was safe.
Cassian looked up to Aela as she stood, his hand dragging across his face to wipe away the sweat already cooling on his skin. He had expected her to just give him another rundown of some itinerary of the day, maybe a comment about not being late or perhaps even a kinder 'go back to sleep' or 'I'm heading out.' Instead, she sat back down on the bed, and his brow furrowed in confusion.
If anything, the apology was the last thing he expected. He knew he had been wrong to go after her like that. It wasn't her fault that her father was a piece of shit and she was still deluding herself that he did this all for her sake. Years ago, he had been the same, stuck in an insular world where only he was miserable. It was only when he met other kids–kids who had decent parents despite their high roles in the government, kids who's parents were worse, kids who rebelled against this system they were born into–that he realised how twisted everything was. He knew deep inside, that he had gotten so angry at her, so enraged that someone would defend and still follow a narcissist like that, because he was exactly the same. Except his old man wasn't dead. The thought that even after death, someone could still have power terrified him.
A Rotherhithe didn't apologize, but that didn't mean he couldn't extend an olive branch. Resting his head on his knees, his arms wrapped around his shins, he looked more vulnerable than ever. "Your father wasn't the only one who decided that the end justified the means and it's not...your pain shouldn't be the price of someone's love," he murmured, "just thought you deserved to hear it from someone honest at least once in your life."
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Feb 2, 2021 8:11:43 GMT -5
Post by nostalgic on Feb 2, 2021 8:11:43 GMT -5
Aela's instincts won out again, and she reached forward once more, laying a gentle hand on his back- slowly, so she wouldn't startle him. Of course, his sentiment was still wrong, but it didn't seem likely she'd be able to dissuade him of that notion.
"Thanks," she said, almost refraining from speaking in order to preserve this strangely intimate (at least for her) silence. There was a knock at the door, and she was startled into pulling her hand back, going to take the tea from the maid. She poured herself a cup, then set it down beside Cassian on his bedside table.
"That's chamomile and honey," she said, back to her usual, faintly awkward self. "It helps calm me down, if you want any." She wasn't going to get any more sleep that night, so she moved to her table by the window, propping her chin on her palms. "You can go back to sleep if you want. We have the day off." Of course, she would be playing with Jessi later, but Cassian was not obligated to do so.
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▲ my life is just constantly existing at ungodly hours
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Feb 2, 2021 8:48:56 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 2, 2021 8:48:56 GMT -5
Her touch made him tense for a brief moment, but he didn't move away. More often than not, he had been alone for these nightmares, and part of him didn't know what to make of this situation. It was...embarrassing, yes, but strangely, it wasn't nearly as bad as he had thought it would be. Maybe he was being a bit pessimistic to expect her to use this against him the way certain others would, but she had been...nice for once. Even offering him tea. That wasn't something he was used to, nor the kind touch. He didn't know whether to be embarrassed or comforted by this moment, as if maybe things could change.
Then the door knocked and the moment was gone. He shook off his thoughts. There was no point in dwelling in delusions and fantasies. He buried his head in his knees for a moment, before sitting up straight as Aela came with the tea. He hesitated, looking at the cup, before taking it. It was warm in his hands.
"Thanks," he replied quietly, taking a sip. It was nice and warm and he could feel it bring life back into his bones. He let out a slow breath, as he turned back to look at Aela. A day off, huh? Part of him wanted to just stay in bed all day, sleep this off once more, but his nightmare still felt fresh on his mind. Maybe he could ride out to the forests under the castle's care later for a brief moment of respite.
He turned to Aela. "How long is your cousin staying for?" he asked. Perhaps some company wouldn't be terrible. The last thing he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts right now, and numbing it all down didn't seem like much fun either. At least Jessi's enthusiasm was contagious; listening to the little girl talk would certainly be a welcome distraction.
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