Feb 28, 2021 18:32:55 GMT -5
Post by achromatic on Feb 28, 2021 18:32:55 GMT -5
a lil blurb thread for the Rotherhithe boys since Allie has inspired me!
The roof of their mansion was perhaps Cassian's favourite place to be. His lovely siblings, the ones who constantly found ways to torment him around the damn place, had yet to find his little hiding spot here, after all. It was...safe up here. Far from his father's reach, at least. Though tonight, he was certain he wasn't the target of the man's anger. It was somewhere he could just sit and relax and watch the stars for a bit, pretend he was elsewhere, or clear his head.
He had heard him downstairs earlier that night, shouting at Cato of all people, loud enough for Cassian to flinch in his own room. The man wasn't even supposed to be back home until tomorrow morning, he thought dryly. It was better to stay out of sight and out of mind when they were like this. The memory of the manticore was still fresh on his mind, even if it had been months ago. He had waited for the house to go silent, for the lights to go out, before sneaking out of his room and up the stairs to the balcony, finding his way to the roof.
It was quiet outside other than the sound of the crashing waves and the whistling winds, and he quickly crept up the stairs–
–to find Cato, sitting in the spot he often found himself on nights like this.
Cassian immediately froze. Fuck. Finding Cato anywhere around the house–especially alone–was never a good sign. He quickly took a step back, hoping to creep away before the boy saw him, but too late. The older boy's piercing green eyes met his, and for a moment, Cassian couldn't seem to find his breath.
Was Cato...crying? He could see the faint tear tracks on the boy's face despite the low light, and the way Cato immediately wiped his eyes with a sleeve said everything he needed to know.
"What are you doing here?" his older brother snapped, "and what the fuck are you looking at? Happy now? That at least dad wasn't yelling at you this time?"
Cassian's opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He closed his mouth, before trying again. "I–" he was about to make an exit, but as much as he resented the other boy, he had never seen him cry. Not like this.
"Are you okay?" his voice was weak, timid, as if he was certain this would result in a beating from his brother.
Cato just stared for a moment, as if actually considering it, before looking away. "She left," he mumbled, "dad found out about Elise and...you know how he is."
Cassian shifted his weight from one foot to another. Of course he knew how their father was. He was the one who took the brunt of the abuse in the first place. "I'm sorry," he replied quietly, "but...you're his favourite. Couldn't you just...convince him to give her a chance?"
Cato laughed, a dry and almost sardonic sound. "I'm not his favourite, you know. Carina is. You ever try convincing that man of anything?" he sneered, "he ever actually listen to you when you beg him to stop? When he locks you downstairs in the basement?"
Cassian stiffened, suddenly feeling as if ants were crawling on his skin. Of course. He should've known that Cato knew all of this, that he'd use it against him one day. There were times when he was younger, that he thought it was just him. That his siblings didn't know, because if they did, why would they be so cruel? Why would they choose to get him in trouble? After all, his father had treated them different. Cato was the firstborn son, he was perfect in the man's eyes. Carina? Carina was his little princess. It was only him that was the disappointment, the one child who couldn't find it in him to obey the man without a second thought.
Knowing that Cato was aware all along felt like a stab in the chest. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't...he had to leave. It wasn't safe here, especially with the other boy like this–
A sigh left Cato's mouth. "Look, I'm sorry, that was mean," he grumbled, as he patted the ledge he was sitting on.
Cassian's brow furrowed. A Rotherhithe never apologised. What the hell was going on? He remained rooted in his spot, still holding onto the handrail of the stairs as if his life depended on it.
"I knew about what dad did to you," he grumbled, "but I guess part of me used to think you deserved it. If you'd just listen and do what he said instead of being so goddamn stubborn, you wouldn't be punished. The two of us learned pretty early how to adapt, you just never did and I didn't understand why you'd choose to be such an idiot. It's not hard to just pretend to be manly enough around the house."
Cassian's throat was dry, but he felt indignant to the other boy's words. "It's not my fault I wasn't born perfect like you," he mumbled under his breath.
Cato laughed at that, giving Cassian a hard look. "Oh yeah? You think I'm perfect, don't you? That I have everything I've ever wanted, and that everything must be going perfect for me, don't you?" the boy swivelled around, sitting cross-legged, facing his younger brother. "You're a spoiled brat, you know that? You don't fucking deserve to call yourself a Rotherhithe sometimes." Cato was smiling, but there was the simmering rage behind his eyes.
"I had to take care of you and Carina all the damn time. I had to be perfect–perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect everything–because I was the oldest. I had to uphold the family name, learn all the lords and ladies and every bit of knowledge about this damn country because that man who sired us decided that he wanted me to be something before I was even born. I have my whole life, every fucking detail planned out from the day I was born. I don't have a choice, Cass. You fucking do because you're second. You get to choose what you want to do in life. You think he would've allowed me to find my magic at your age instead of beating it out of me even harder if I hadn't figured it out early enough? You think he'd let me go to school and have playdates if I was lazy like you? You think if I had any choice, I'd choose to never have a break in my life between watching over you two brats and everything else I need to know? All he gives you are chances. I learned really fucking early that I could never be anything other than a Rotherhithe; it's time you fucking learn that too."
Cato was practically shaking at this point, the rage and the anger of everything just pouring out of him, his hurt so strong it was almost palpable. Cassian could feel it in his veins, the power of his anger and rage practically fuelling his own darkness. He knew Cato felt that way–he had said it so many times, that Cass didn't know how good he had it, and it always made him angry. Cato couldn't possibly know, he thought. He didn't go through the basement. He didn't have to live with the knowledge that he was the failure of this family.
Then again, Cassian never had to go through what Cato did either. All the lessons, and tutors, and training, and planned meetings, and trips with their father. Even his friends were people chosen around him, children of famous lords and ladies who were of the same status. It was true, his father turned a blind eye to what Cass did. His mother had allowed him to go on playdates with other kids of a lesser rank. While Cato went to Nyre on business trips, Cassian often went with his mother to Kama to visit her family instead, trips he often cherished.
"I wish you didn't have to be perfect," Cassian whispered, looking away, unable to feel the anger he should've felt at the other boy's words, "I liked her too. She was...nice. Probably nicer than the queen."
Cato's laughter was wet, quickly turning his rage into a heavy sadness. "Yeah, she was," he sniffed, wiping his eyes once more, "she was a better person than I could be. She probably deserves better anyways. You probably think that too, don't you? That she only saw the part of me that was nice and pretty? That if she knew how I treated you, that she'd leave me too?" The sting was slowly fading from Cato's voice, turning into a weariness.
Cassian shook his head, partially because he didn't want to get in trouble with the other boy, but well...Cato was different around her. She was nice. It rubbed off on his brother. His stupidly perfect brother. His asshole brother who never gave him a break. His brother, who despite it all, he still cared for enough to be upset for.
There was a silence in the air.
"Look, I didn't mean everything I said just now," Cato mumbled, "I took out a lot of my anger on you. Not just today, but...before too. I just...it wasn't fair that you had a choice and I didn't, okay? You and Carina both have so much more to your life than I do. I barely know who I am outside of what dad has planned, and I guess I found out that I really don't have anything outside of that. Not anymore, at least. If you ever find someone you care for and love, I hope you have the guts to go against everything you know to chase it." Unlike me, the silent words rang through the night.
"You still have a choice, you know," Cassian whispered, his voice barely loud enough to be heard, "she loves you...and maybe one day, dad won't be around to boss you around anymore, or you'll be the head of the family. You can change everything. You can throw out his rules and make up your own by then. She loves you, right? Maybe she'll wait for you."
Cato's smile didn't reach his eyes, but for once, there was no malice in it. "Yeah," he mumbled, "maybe one day I'll be old enough to sit on a beach drinking margaritas with her."
Cassian moved tentatively, to sit a little distance away from the older boy. There were no more words between them, just a mutual understanding and a longing, that one day, perhaps they'd be brave enough to stand up for themselves against the silhouette of the patriarch.
The roof of their mansion was perhaps Cassian's favourite place to be. His lovely siblings, the ones who constantly found ways to torment him around the damn place, had yet to find his little hiding spot here, after all. It was...safe up here. Far from his father's reach, at least. Though tonight, he was certain he wasn't the target of the man's anger. It was somewhere he could just sit and relax and watch the stars for a bit, pretend he was elsewhere, or clear his head.
He had heard him downstairs earlier that night, shouting at Cato of all people, loud enough for Cassian to flinch in his own room. The man wasn't even supposed to be back home until tomorrow morning, he thought dryly. It was better to stay out of sight and out of mind when they were like this. The memory of the manticore was still fresh on his mind, even if it had been months ago. He had waited for the house to go silent, for the lights to go out, before sneaking out of his room and up the stairs to the balcony, finding his way to the roof.
It was quiet outside other than the sound of the crashing waves and the whistling winds, and he quickly crept up the stairs–
–to find Cato, sitting in the spot he often found himself on nights like this.
Cassian immediately froze. Fuck. Finding Cato anywhere around the house–especially alone–was never a good sign. He quickly took a step back, hoping to creep away before the boy saw him, but too late. The older boy's piercing green eyes met his, and for a moment, Cassian couldn't seem to find his breath.
Was Cato...crying? He could see the faint tear tracks on the boy's face despite the low light, and the way Cato immediately wiped his eyes with a sleeve said everything he needed to know.
"What are you doing here?" his older brother snapped, "and what the fuck are you looking at? Happy now? That at least dad wasn't yelling at you this time?"
Cassian's opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He closed his mouth, before trying again. "I–" he was about to make an exit, but as much as he resented the other boy, he had never seen him cry. Not like this.
"Are you okay?" his voice was weak, timid, as if he was certain this would result in a beating from his brother.
Cato just stared for a moment, as if actually considering it, before looking away. "She left," he mumbled, "dad found out about Elise and...you know how he is."
Cassian shifted his weight from one foot to another. Of course he knew how their father was. He was the one who took the brunt of the abuse in the first place. "I'm sorry," he replied quietly, "but...you're his favourite. Couldn't you just...convince him to give her a chance?"
Cato laughed, a dry and almost sardonic sound. "I'm not his favourite, you know. Carina is. You ever try convincing that man of anything?" he sneered, "he ever actually listen to you when you beg him to stop? When he locks you downstairs in the basement?"
Cassian stiffened, suddenly feeling as if ants were crawling on his skin. Of course. He should've known that Cato knew all of this, that he'd use it against him one day. There were times when he was younger, that he thought it was just him. That his siblings didn't know, because if they did, why would they be so cruel? Why would they choose to get him in trouble? After all, his father had treated them different. Cato was the firstborn son, he was perfect in the man's eyes. Carina? Carina was his little princess. It was only him that was the disappointment, the one child who couldn't find it in him to obey the man without a second thought.
Knowing that Cato was aware all along felt like a stab in the chest. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't...he had to leave. It wasn't safe here, especially with the other boy like this–
A sigh left Cato's mouth. "Look, I'm sorry, that was mean," he grumbled, as he patted the ledge he was sitting on.
Cassian's brow furrowed. A Rotherhithe never apologised. What the hell was going on? He remained rooted in his spot, still holding onto the handrail of the stairs as if his life depended on it.
"I knew about what dad did to you," he grumbled, "but I guess part of me used to think you deserved it. If you'd just listen and do what he said instead of being so goddamn stubborn, you wouldn't be punished. The two of us learned pretty early how to adapt, you just never did and I didn't understand why you'd choose to be such an idiot. It's not hard to just pretend to be manly enough around the house."
Cassian's throat was dry, but he felt indignant to the other boy's words. "It's not my fault I wasn't born perfect like you," he mumbled under his breath.
Cato laughed at that, giving Cassian a hard look. "Oh yeah? You think I'm perfect, don't you? That I have everything I've ever wanted, and that everything must be going perfect for me, don't you?" the boy swivelled around, sitting cross-legged, facing his younger brother. "You're a spoiled brat, you know that? You don't fucking deserve to call yourself a Rotherhithe sometimes." Cato was smiling, but there was the simmering rage behind his eyes.
"I had to take care of you and Carina all the damn time. I had to be perfect–perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect everything–because I was the oldest. I had to uphold the family name, learn all the lords and ladies and every bit of knowledge about this damn country because that man who sired us decided that he wanted me to be something before I was even born. I have my whole life, every fucking detail planned out from the day I was born. I don't have a choice, Cass. You fucking do because you're second. You get to choose what you want to do in life. You think he would've allowed me to find my magic at your age instead of beating it out of me even harder if I hadn't figured it out early enough? You think he'd let me go to school and have playdates if I was lazy like you? You think if I had any choice, I'd choose to never have a break in my life between watching over you two brats and everything else I need to know? All he gives you are chances. I learned really fucking early that I could never be anything other than a Rotherhithe; it's time you fucking learn that too."
Cato was practically shaking at this point, the rage and the anger of everything just pouring out of him, his hurt so strong it was almost palpable. Cassian could feel it in his veins, the power of his anger and rage practically fuelling his own darkness. He knew Cato felt that way–he had said it so many times, that Cass didn't know how good he had it, and it always made him angry. Cato couldn't possibly know, he thought. He didn't go through the basement. He didn't have to live with the knowledge that he was the failure of this family.
Then again, Cassian never had to go through what Cato did either. All the lessons, and tutors, and training, and planned meetings, and trips with their father. Even his friends were people chosen around him, children of famous lords and ladies who were of the same status. It was true, his father turned a blind eye to what Cass did. His mother had allowed him to go on playdates with other kids of a lesser rank. While Cato went to Nyre on business trips, Cassian often went with his mother to Kama to visit her family instead, trips he often cherished.
"I wish you didn't have to be perfect," Cassian whispered, looking away, unable to feel the anger he should've felt at the other boy's words, "I liked her too. She was...nice. Probably nicer than the queen."
Cato's laughter was wet, quickly turning his rage into a heavy sadness. "Yeah, she was," he sniffed, wiping his eyes once more, "she was a better person than I could be. She probably deserves better anyways. You probably think that too, don't you? That she only saw the part of me that was nice and pretty? That if she knew how I treated you, that she'd leave me too?" The sting was slowly fading from Cato's voice, turning into a weariness.
Cassian shook his head, partially because he didn't want to get in trouble with the other boy, but well...Cato was different around her. She was nice. It rubbed off on his brother. His stupidly perfect brother. His asshole brother who never gave him a break. His brother, who despite it all, he still cared for enough to be upset for.
There was a silence in the air.
"Look, I didn't mean everything I said just now," Cato mumbled, "I took out a lot of my anger on you. Not just today, but...before too. I just...it wasn't fair that you had a choice and I didn't, okay? You and Carina both have so much more to your life than I do. I barely know who I am outside of what dad has planned, and I guess I found out that I really don't have anything outside of that. Not anymore, at least. If you ever find someone you care for and love, I hope you have the guts to go against everything you know to chase it." Unlike me, the silent words rang through the night.
"You still have a choice, you know," Cassian whispered, his voice barely loud enough to be heard, "she loves you...and maybe one day, dad won't be around to boss you around anymore, or you'll be the head of the family. You can change everything. You can throw out his rules and make up your own by then. She loves you, right? Maybe she'll wait for you."
Cato's smile didn't reach his eyes, but for once, there was no malice in it. "Yeah," he mumbled, "maybe one day I'll be old enough to sit on a beach drinking margaritas with her."
Cassian moved tentatively, to sit a little distance away from the older boy. There were no more words between them, just a mutual understanding and a longing, that one day, perhaps they'd be brave enough to stand up for themselves against the silhouette of the patriarch.
